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No, really. I have a friend, yeah, let's call him a friend, who is in the same situation you are in, full-up with kids, and is considering maybe doing something drastic like getting stuff all tied up down there. The only thing I've heard is that you've gotta ejaculate like 500 times in order for it to stop hurting when you have sex. It seems like you'd never get anywhere near 500 because it's like some reverse Pavlovian response where when your wife gets naked, instead of getting a treat, you're huddled in the corner all sweaty and clutching at the phantom pain in your crotch. I.e.: total buzzkill. That can't be true, can it?
I can't speak to the pain part of it, but I was in the room when the doctor said that he'd have to submit a sperm sample after 20 successful ejaculations. That's a little less than 500, so maybe a little encouraging?
Successful ejaculations? What does that mean? Does that mean nothing comes out for a while after one of these? Am I asking too many personal questions? I tend to do that but usually it's in person at the dinner table.
Does the medical definition of an ejaculation mean just an orgasm or does it require stuff?
That's a really good question, Mihow. Are some ejaculations more successful than others? Is there a prize for most successful?
My balls are cold. I've been icing them down with frozen objects since we left the doctor's office. I'm not taking any chances with giant elephant balls. That's the last thing I need. I spent yesterday lying down and will likely spend some parts of today lying down, although probably less time with frozen objects on or near the affected areas.
There seems to be confusion around what a vasectomy really is and what it effects. A vasectomy is a cutting of the tubes (vas deferens) that take sperm from the testicles to the seminal vesicles, where sperm is mixed with semen.
So men still have normal ejaculations post-vasectomy. The only difference is the microscopic amounts of sperm normally present are not. This is after one has submitted samples for testing and verification.
Pain? Can't speak to the 500 ejaculations thing. YMMV.
In fact, you could even say that there's a vas deferens between 20 ejaculations and 500.
Thank you, I'll be here all night.
@Nothing But Bonfires: Hahahaha!
Logan says sex/ejaculation never hurt after the fact. He drove himself to and from and spent two days on the sofa doing nothing but icing. Granted he appears to have a broken pain and suffering sensor, but still.
I think men tend to exaggerate the pain and suffering of this procedure a teeny bit. After living through forceps and an episiotomy delivery, I'm just not the most sympathetic person to talk to about it.
I made Logan get three clear sperm screens before he could touch me. I'm tempted to send him back every 5 years....you know those horror stories of people who end up pregnant when their youngest is 18?
Sweet God In Heaven.
There are 2 screens, 6 weeks apart. The technique involved clamps and also: burning the tips of the tubes. Very smelly. And weird to smell your own flesh burning.
No I know there are two, I didn't trust just two. His sperm are out to fuck with me. literally.
I guess Logan's smelling program has a virus as well. He never mentioned that. Then again he runs until his toenails fall off so it takes a lot to gross him out. Obviously.
(I still think you're a baby. A totally lovable baby. But still.)
As a child, I asked the priest at church if he had his balls cut off like my daddys and if that was why he was wearing a dress. My gran couldn't show her face for weeks.
Jon, have you thought of wearing a dress for a while to help free them up a bit?
I'm sure you are well aware but it takes a few months (not exactly sure of the timeframe) for the vasectomy to be sure-proof...
I think (biologically speaking) a more successful ejaculation occurs during actual intercourse when you're brain thinks it can impregnate a women. When a man is masterbating, the brain knows that its a waste of time and therefore doesn't send out as much sperm. Where I heard this, I have no idea. But sounds good, eh?
I too have a "friend" considering this for the very same reasons.
The thing that boggles my mind is this: a surgeon type guy makes a tiny cut, separates some muscle, pulls out a tube, snips it, singes it, then sews the whole thing back up.
Sounds minimally invasive, right? Why in god's name do dudes have to sit covered in ice for several days, hurt while walking for weeks and generally lose their ability to move quickly, exercise, and/or jump around for up to a month?
Doesn't the recovery seem out of scope with the procedure? It's not like they're cutting leg muscle or something that helps you stand and walk.
@tmehraban Found this comment interesting, so I just spent some quality time on PubMed. Seems that sperm motility, total sperm count, semen volume etc etc ARE increased during sexual intercourse when compared to masturbation. However, these same measures are increased when a male masturbates with video porn versus masturbating with no porn, so the increases are probably more tied to level of stimulation than some biological sense of "useless" versus "useful" ejaculations.
Well, if you're interested in hearing a evolutionary biologist's view; your brain doesn't know if it's watching a porn actress in a movie or a live female. If your brain "thinks" that your body is going to do some inseminating soon, it will produce more hormones which in turn will increase the sperm production.
I had this done in April. It was a breeze. Put your feet up for a couple of days and ice the boys down to manage the swelling. A bag of frozen peas works wonders - just clearly label it so it doesn't get served later!
The general reason that some have pain is from doing to much too early, or if there are complications. For example, the freeway is closed and the sperm gotta go somewhere. If things start to back up, you get pressure down there, and supposedly that hurts (and gets swollen). So please, take it easy.
There was never any pain when ejaculating, but for the first few times there was something unexplainably different at climax. Had a few duds. It might have been mental, but it took a while to get back to normal. But it never hurt, and having a weekly quota was fun for my wife and I, especially since she was motivated for me to pass the 2 tests so she could pull the goalie.
All in all, I highly recommend it. Just plan to take it easy, put your feet up and give yourself plenty of time to heal to minimize the chances of complications.