I separated from my family about nine years ago. It was a lifetime of toxicity. My father had died a couple years prior to that. It was a very difficult choice for me, though my life is so much better now. I agree with Courtney's comment about being stunned at the choices my mother made - that she could be so abusive towards her only daughter. The mother figure I had as a child was my paternal grandmother. She committed suicide when I was nine, so I'm not really sure what having a mother is supposed to look like. I never had children, I was afraid I could not break the generations of dysfunction. My separation was from the entire family; brother and extended family. At that point I didn't trust anyone. I lost several friends over the whole situation. My mother cried to a lot of people about being the victim. I was 43 years old but I knew if I continued in the toxic environment I'd never make 44. I'm 52 now. She only has my work phone number and periodically calls to leave messages crying about her pain or raging her anger at me. Then a birthday or Christmas will come and I get a $4 Hallmark card about the 'best daughter ever' and a note inside telling me what an awful person I am. Nine years I have never made contact with her. It's sad. Having shared all that, I would also say it's not a choice to be made lightly. Life without family can be hard, I'm pretty independent and tend to not ask for help. But I also have some great folks in my life, great neighbors who are very helpful. You can create a 'family of choice.'
