Recent discovery! Wine before bed = terrible sleep!
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I signed up for 12 personal training sessions at the gym! I've come to the place in life where I can admit that I need to pay people to tell me what to do if I want to accomplish something.
Maybe I don't feel like my marriage has been through the same struggles as some of yours have, but for me, I've done any number of things, and it really just depends on what's been going on. In the last 6 years, I have learned to:
-Stand up for myself. It used to be that if my husband was talking in a tone I didn't like or if there was really any conflict at all, I'd take it so personally and wonder what I'd done wrong/what was wrong with me. Soon I realized that sometimes I can speak up and tell him when what he's saying is uncalled for or that I totally disagree with him on something. Usually when I do this, the conflict ends much sooner and we can navigate through it more easily.
-Suck up my pride. Conversely, there are also times where you have to choose whether the peace of the relationship is more important than being right, or waiting for the other person to speak up first about an issue.
-Remember who you were before you were dating/married. I know it's not like this for everyone, but maintaining a sense of identity/individuality in my marriage is very important to me. I also realize there were some not-so-great aspects to myself that marriage has definitely shined a light on and enabled me to get much better at. So, I try to find the balance of maintaining who I am in the positive areas while also letting go of a lot of the negative crap. If marriage has made me less selfish, then that's great. But if it makes me stop reading, writing, being curious about the world, and maintaining good friendships then that's not good.
-Check in with each other on your goals/dreams. I say that without really having to set a schedule, my husband and I often find ourselves talking about what we want from life. When we were dating and getting married, we had no idea that we'd move across the country on a whim and that I'd eventually plunge into college life (as an adult) and work toward a degree that would provide me with a non-retail job. He has been so supportive of me and never discouraged me. When I'm all done, I'll be more than happy to encourage him in whatever his vocational endeavors may be. Sometimes it has to be give and take when both people can't work on a specific goal at the same time. And sometimes it's fun to talk about the things you'd do if money wasn't an option. It's good to think and dream big. It's good to one day think about what it would be like to have a sweet condo in the city, and one day dream about living in the country. It's good to dream about living in a different country and it's good to consider moving back home to be closer to family. It's okay to want a lot of different things even if you know they're not all attainable.
I guess that's all I've got. =)
@Maggles: I definitely agree w/having a connection to my professors, although I don't think they know it. I look at most of them as people my age I could be having a drink with after class. =)
I didn't take my first college class until I was 28 years old. It took me three years to get my associate's degree b/c I was working full time through most of it. Now I've transferred to a 4-year university and will hope to be finished by fall of 2013. After that, grad school. If I have a master's degree by the time I'm 36, I will consider that a success. =)
Most of the time it is easy, but every now and then it feels like something comes out of nowhere. Usually, right when things seem really really good, that's when things start to get tough for awhile. Let's just say I am dreading my husband's 30th birthday.
Kohls and JC Penney are good stores for business clothes usually, right? I don't know for sure b/c I work in food retail but it always seems when I'm there that if I had a "real job" I could shop at those stores.
Nothing has changed that I know of. I'm wearing the same socks I usually do, so I don't think that's it. Maybe it's salt. Not sure. I saw online that I should soak my feet in brewed black tea, so I might try that.
The little bit I've searched online, either I have a candida overgrowth, or some kind of bacterial infection in my feet. Other than that, it was just tons of remedies to fix it. I just feel like something must be going on because I haven't had smelly feet since I was 14. Just seems really odd.
If you get the Bare Essentials, then you can just use the concealer brush with the regular makeup powder, and it works really really well.
1. Everyone should click on that Hyperbole and a Half link RIGHT NOW.
2. Even if I do feel that way often, overall, I don't necessarily feel like a fraud. I have a hard time feeling like a real adult because most of my friends own, or at least live in houses, and my husband and I are renting, and are probably even going to switch from a two-bedroom to a one-bedroom so we can save some money while I'm in school. And yeah, I'm in school full-time and will be until I am approximately 34-35 years old, so to some extent I feel like I'm going backwards a bit. On the other hand, I got on a career track in my mid-20's that made me feel a little bit too grown up during that time.
I guess I just generally avoid being an adult, which of course, is a good percent of the reason I am in therapy. =)
The more moderate, intelligent, tolerant, rational people that leave the US, the more fucked your country will become. Don't let the haters take over. Protest, protest, protest. Make your voice heard. Say "This is not the kind of country I want to live in!" and elect people who agree and will help defend your rights and make it a great place to live.
Love,
A Canadian
I park as far away from the entrance as possible. Not for the exercise reasons but because the people that circle the entrance for a close spot MAKE ME NUTS.
I only drink on days that end in y.
I saw a majority of the show and was horrified. And I don't think that particular town can really be singled out--I'm certain this is happening everywhere. My kids don't eat lunch at school (they're just 1/2 Kindergarten), but I've seen the menu and it's done thru a catering service that just trucks crap in. I'm sure all the kids in my kids' classes hate me on snack day b/c I refuse to send in junk food. Am I perfect? Absolutely not, but, I hope to instill at least a few good habits, and if all I get out of it is healthy snacks, I suppose I can live with that for now.
All that being said, watching the show brought back so many memories of my grandmother. Yes, my gran was a lunchlady. But--let me tell you something--she was at that school by 5:00am every morning to make bread that would be eaten at lunch. There was at least one green vegetable with each meal. She was Italian, so all pasta sauces were handmade (as were the meatballs--she had a huge Hobart mixer she mixed them in). NOTHING that I know of was premade. She cooked everything from scratch. Didn't have money for lunch, shhh, nobody had to know. She discovered several kids in the community weren't getting breakfast at home (there were some pretty poor families where I grew up) and she pulled them aside discreetly and told them if they were hungry, get to school a little early. She made those kids french toast (from leftover bread the day before), pancakes, eggs--whatever she could scrape together without spending an extra dime. Her bosses never knew all her goings-on. She retired when a new boss was hired and yelled at her for making homemade pasta sauce. The new person had a powdered mixed that just needed water added to it, and voila! a meal. Gran was insulted, and that was that. I'm sure she's shaking a fist in her grave after seeing that program last nite and saying "I told you so!!" Golly, I miss that lady.
I think I have to disagree about the availability of healthy, cheap food. As a mom who used to be on food stamps and is now just above the income level, I know plenty about cheap food.
I was given $160 in food stamps each month. Fresh fruits and vegetables are expensive. Apples cost on average $1.29 per pound, which is about $1 per apple. Strawberries cost $3-$4 easy for a small container. Pineapples are generally at least $3. Peaches? Plums? At least $1.40 per pound. Greens? $2.50 (on sale) for organic romaine or spinach versus 99 cents for a head of iceburg with no nutrient value. And I only have one child.
And tomatos? Think about it. Why would I spend $2 on ONE tomato when I could spend that money on a frozen pizza and have dinner?
Canned fruit is certainly an option, but you know what kind is cheapest? The big cans of peaches in heavy syrup. 79 cents.
Canned and frozen vegetables are very affordable.
As for main dishes, we eat meat at our house. 80% lean ground beef is cheaper than my preferred 97% lean by two dollars or more.
Know what else is cheap? Hamburger Helper and all it's preservatives and salt. And big bags of chicken nuggets.
You want to give your kid juice? Well, the healthy (100% juice) stuff costs anywhere from $2.50 to $4 for 46ounces. Kool Aid is SO much cheaper. Even regular apple juice or juices that look good but aren't 100% juice will cost half as much for a container twice as big.
I think things like this are why the kids I work with are afraid of fresh strawberries and melon but devour fruit cocktail. They don't know what those other things are!
Yes, education is needed. Because even on my limited budget I was able to make fairly good choices. We also need to realize, though, that socioeconomic factors play a much larger role in this than simple laziness or a simple desire for junk.
Big picture? Yes. I have a happy marriage, a baby girl for whom my love knows no bounds, a fantastically loving dog and we all have made a great and healthy life together. I also feel that I have a solid relationship with God and that gets me through rough times. However, I wish my husband liked his job more and didn't have to have a second job at all. I wish I would have chosen a different path in college and had been more financially responsible between the ages of 18-26. I want for both of my parents to be happy, but that seems far off. These things weigh on my daily and if I let them, can grate away at my happiness. Overall, I feel that if you aren't lost spiritually and you have a good marriage/relationship then you have something to feel happy about. But, I don't deny that it's a struggle sometimes.
Sort of. A shrink told me that I was a highly sensitive person (check out http://www.hsperson.com/) and it sounds similar to sensory defensiveness. I freak out if I feel trapped between a guard rail or one of those jersey barriers too or in a tunnel or on a narrow bridge. The big box stores overwhelm me. I get dizzy walking over water because I focus too much on the current. Add repetitive sounds, bright lights, certain food textures, materials that don't "feel quite right" and that is my weird life. It sucks sometimes but I deal with it.
I do feel that a lot of this sensory defensiveness is due to our overstimulating society with all the noise, instant gratification, etc. I think some of us have a hard time processing it.
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- The "Stranger Danger" Movement essentially started with Etan Patz. How do you feel now that his alleged killer has confessed? (link inside)
- What is your favorite thing to buy at Trader Joe's?
- What would DoCo do about a suddenly homeless friend?
- In your work day, how many hours are you actively "working"?
- Should I or should I not of said something?! More inside...

